This blog post has been a long time in the making. For the last year we have been teaming up with a group of researchers at Chapman University led by Dr. Brennan Peterson to work on something big: a research project to understand how infertility stigma and the act of being open with others relate to someones mental health and sense of purpose.
Well the results are in and what we found has confirmed a lot of what we’ve seen in our Process Groups, and opened up new ways to look at infertility.
This blog post starts to unpack what we found, what it means, and how these insights can help all of us. From people walking through infertility, to providers, friends, and family.
Why Study Stigma, Openness, and Meaning?
Infertility isn’t just purely a medical condition. It's an emotional earthquake to your identity, it strains your relationships, and challenge your beliefs about what life is supposed to look like. It’s incredibly isolating and overwhelming. Despite how common it is—affecting 1 in 6 people globally—infertility remains one of those “we-don’t-talk-about-it” experiences in our society.
That silence carries big consequences for those experiencing it.
Our collaborative study, which surveyed 682 people experiencing infertility (458 women and 89 men), looked at how internalized stigma and openness about infertility related to depressive symptoms and meaning in life. We wanted to know: Does feeling ashamed make things worse? Does talking about it help? Can we start to find more meaning in the middle of loss?
Turns out, the answer to all three is yes. ❤️
The Stigma Is Real—and It’s Not Just a Feeling
One of the clearest findings was that higher infertility stigma is linked with higher levels of depression. People who felt ashamed or feared others’ judgment were significantly more likely to report depressive symptoms. This was true for both men and women.
But stigma isn’t just about the hurtful and ignorant things other people say (“just relax and it’ll happen, good things come to those who wait”). Stigma lives in the internal dialogue too: “I’m failing,” “My body betrayed me,” “I’m different, broken, not enough.” This self-judgment can create a loop of silence and shame that’s incredibly hard to break.
The emotional weight of stigma often leads people to hide their experience, to withdraw from social spaces, and to sit alone with their pain. And while secrecy can sometimes feel like safety, it can also deepen the sense of isolation that fuels depression.
⭐️ For those dealing with infertility, being in places free from infertility stigma is an important part of coping and healing.
Openness: A Risk with Reward
There is good news: being open about infertility is correlated with lower depression and more meaning in life. People who shared their story with trusted friends, safe family, or supportive communities were more likely to report feeling like their life still had purpose, even in the midst of this unexpected struggle.
Being open doesn’t mean everything with infertility gets better. It just means you’re not holding it all alone. It means your story gets to live outside the echo chamber of your own mind.
It’s not about having a better narrative or even a resolution. It’s about being witnessed.
However, let’s be real, being open is hard, and not all sharing leads to comfort. Some people are met with awkward silences, unsolicited advice, or even judgment. In some contexts, especially in cultures where childbearing is seen as a rite of passage, sharing can actually intensify stigma. That’s why we are aiming for supported openness. Vulnerability needs a safe place to land.
⭐️ For those dealing with infertility, safe, supported places to be open are so important.
The Search for Meaning (What is it)
Infertility isn’t just a season, it’s a developmental interruption. It upends the narrative many people have carried since childhood: meet someone, fall in love, have a baby, and live happily ever after. When that narrative gets broken, it can feel like your life doesn’t make sense anymore. Literally, the meaning seems to drift away.
This is why so many people in the study reported a “search for meaning” after experiencing infertility. Many people experiencing infertility have felt like their story does not make sense anymore and they are looking to make sense of that difficult reality. The more stigma they felt, the harder it was to find that meaning. Shame can cloud our ability to integrate difficult experiences into a coherent life story.
But openness can help in a unique way. Telling our unique stories to one another can help create room for healing by reintegrating these new messy narratives into our lives. When we connect with others we can see our own stories in new light, which can help provide purpose and clarity in our lives.
⭐️ For those dealing with infertility, life can lose meaning but openness can help create purpose.
What About Men?
We were especially proud that this study included a significant sample of men! Men are often left out of the infertility conversation. The results were fascinating.
Men who were more open about their infertility experiences had lower levels of depression, even when facing a male-factor diagnosis. That flies in the face of traditional masculinity that say “real men don’t talk about their feelings.”
Yet there remains real barriers for men. Many men fear ridicule or worry about burdening their partners. They’re told (explicitly or not) that their job is to be strong, not sensitive. However, when given space to share, men benefit just as much from openness as women do.
⭐️ For men who are dealing with infertility, being open is an important part of healing and staying strong.
Why This Matters for Us All 🚨
These findings aren’t just cool for a journal article. They live in the real world. They apply in therapy rooms, process groups, waiting rooms, and living rooms. They shape how we listen, how we ask, and how we respond when someone bravely admits, “We’re struggling.”
For healthcare providers, this means making room for the emotional experience of infertility, not just the physical protocols.
For friends and family, it means listening more than offering advice.
For those going through pain of infertility, it means you are not wrong for feeling what you feel. Your pain makes sense. And you don’t have to hold it alone. Find your people, be open.
Final Thought: You are Not Alone!
At Uniquely Knitted, we believe in process groups. This research confirmed what we’ve seen in group after group: Stigma isolates. Openness connects. Meaning is possible.
Your infertility journey is part of your story, but it is not the whole story. And when you find safe places to share that story, something special happens. Your vulnerability leads to connection and that connection leads to resilience in infertility and in life.
If you or someone you love is walking through infertility, we invite you to explore our Process Groups, share this research, and take one small, brave step toward connection. ❤️
Quick Stats about the Study for the Nerd in Us All 🤓
👉 Total participants
- 682 (458 women and 89 men) from the U.S., Europe, Canada, and Australia.
👉 Stigma and Depression
- Higher infertility stigma was significantly associated with more depressive symptoms in both men and women.
👉 Stigma and Meaning
- Higher stigma also led to a greater search for meaning, often linked with distress and questioning life’s purpose.
👉 Openness and Mental Health
- People who were more open about their infertility had lower levels of depression.
👉 Openness and Meaning in Life
- Greater openness with safe people was linked with a higher presence of meaning in life—feeling like life still has purpose, even amid struggle.
👉 Gender Insight 🚨
- Men who shared their infertility experience were less likely to report depression—it wasn’t the diagnosis, but the silence that hurt most.
👉 Variance Explained by Models
- Our statistical models explained 41% of variance in depressive symptoms in men and 27% in women—strong indicators of how impactful stigma and openness really are.
These findings reaffirm the mental health crisis within infertility—and point toward healing strategies that are relational, vulnerable, and grounded in shared connection.
Read the full research study
👉 reproductive-health-journal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186
